Demon Dawn Read online

  “This is the best,” I said. “You’re going to love it.”

  He looked at the pizza, his gaze doubtful.

  Zach and I reached for a piece at the same time. I was the first one to take a bite and groaned. Never in a million years did I think I’d taste cheese and pepperoni again. Uan took a slice after Mom took two. From the corner of my eye, I watched him take a bite, chew it slowly, and set the pizza back on his plate. I could tell from his expression he wanted to spit it out.

  Grinning, I swallowed quickly and stole his piece.

  “You know what? If you don't like it, that's okay. It just means more pizza for us. Help yourself to whatever you want in the cupboard.”

  He grunted and did as I suggested, returning to the table with a can of dog food.

  “This is my favorite,” he said. “I will find many more for us.”

  Zach and I snorted, and Uan looked at us in question.

  “That's dog food, Uan,” Zach said. “It's what our pets eat.”

  Uan glanced at the can and then at Mom. She smiled at him.

  “Sweetie, if that's what you want, you go ahead and eat it. No one's going to judge you. It's pure protein.”

  With that assurance, he dug his spoon into the can.

  “Would either of you mind if Uan spent the night?” Mom asked casually.

  “Like I’d say no to anything after pizza,” I said.

  “Agreed,” Zach said, stuffing half a piece into his mouth.

  “Great.”

  I woke up to the scent of pancakes and frying meat. Stomach rumbling, I crawled out of bed and went straight to the kitchen.

  “Morning,” Mom said with unusual good cheer.

  The likely reason for her cheer was at the stove, shirtless and flipping pancakes. I grinned and took my seat at the table.

  “Get a goodnight’s sleep, Mom?”

  She tore her gaze from Uan’s extremely muscled back, which I couldn’t deny was a sight, and gave me a sheepish look.

  “The best in a long while.”

  “That’s good, Mom. Really good.”

  She nodded, and I watched her shoulders lift and drop with a quiet exhale. She was still struggling. I knew she missed Dad and would always love him, just like she knew it was practical to look to the future instead of dwelling in the past. However, the heart often wanted what the head knew we couldn’t have.

  Zach joined us after Uan already had a decent stack on the table. The meat I’d smelled was more dog food. He put patties of it on a plate next to the pancakes.

  “Your mom said it isn’t something you like,” he said. “You don’t need to eat it, but it’s protein.”

  I smiled and took a patty. It didn’t look half bad fried.

  “Since I plan to go out again today, I’ll take the protein.”

  Mom smiled at me, then we all dug in. It felt weirdly normal eating together. Like I could rinse my plate and go turn on the TV to watch the news kind of normal. I liked it and knew Mom and Zach did, too.

  “Thanks for breakfast, Uan,” I said when I finished. “Pan-fried dog food patties will never be my favorite, but it’s way better than dog food soup.”

  Uan grunted in acknowledgment, and I cleaned up my dishes before getting ready for the day. Zach was waiting for me by the front door when I emerged from my room.

  “Be safe out there,” Mom said, watching us add our warm layers.

  “Always,” I said. “We’ll bring back something good for dinner.”

  We both kissed her cheek, waved to Uan, and left.

  “Is it wrong of me to be looking forward to this?” Zach asked.

  “Depends on why.”

  He thought about it for a minute.

  “Mostly because I’m doing something useful. But eating better is up there, too. And it’s crazy how much faster it goes with the fey’s help.”

  “Is it safer, though?” I asked.

  He shrugged.

  “They don’t let humans go into the houses first. We mostly go in after everything’s been cleared. Ryan says they sometimes miss an infected, though. So, we can’t let our guard down, just like when we would go out for supplies before.”

  It sounded like when I’d helped Richard with the farmhouse.

  “Basically, we start gathering everything, and the fey pack it up and run it out,” Zach said. “It’s like we’re on teams. One human to about six fey. That’s how we get through so many houses so quickly.”

  I was glad Zach had found his stride on the supply runs, but I couldn’t help feeling a little bitter that Thallirin was holding me back from being just as useful.

  “Are we in trouble?” Zach asked quietly.

  I looked up to see a fey standing in the middle of the road, waiting for us. In the dim pre-dawn light, I couldn’t see the face, but knew by the stance it was Drav.

  “Morning, Drav,” I said when we drew close. “Something wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong. We rotate who goes on supply runs to ensure everyone rests. You will stay here today.”

  His gaze didn’t once shift to Zach.

  “Both of us or just me?” I asked.

  “Just you.”

  “What a bunch of—”

  Zach grabbed my arm.

  “How long does she need to rest?” he asked.

  Drav frowned, and his gaze shifted to the right. I followed it and saw Thallirin lurking in the shadows. My temper flared, and if he’d been standing close, I would have broken another bow. As it was, I raged in silence for several long seconds before looking at Drav.

  “I’ve lost all respect for you. Hope this bullshit move is worth it.” I turned to Zach. “You go ahead. Get as much as you can. We’ll need it in Tenacity.”

  Zach nodded slowly and looked at Drav, then Thallirin, before jogging toward the wall.

  I turned on my heel and marched back the way I’d come, seething that Drav and Mya would pull this after yesterday.

  “You will not leave,” Thallirin said from just behind me, making me jump a little.

  I stopped and glared up at him. “What in the hell do you think is so great about this situation that I’d ever want to stay?”

  “Uan wouldn’t be accepted in Tenacity. He makes your mother happy.”

  His words were like a knife to the gut, and for several long minutes, I could say nothing. He thought he had me. He thought he’d manipulated me right where he wanted me.

  “You’re just like him,” I said, trying to fight down the panic of Van’s weight pressing down on me once more. My bow was off my shoulder and in my hand before I’d even thought about it. The nocked arrow shook as I aimed it right at Thallirin’s throat. He didn’t move.

  “You’re making me a prisoner. Telling me I’m safe. Telling me you’ll never hurt me. Telling me I’ll like it.” My throat closed, and my eyes stung.

  “I won’t do it again. I’m not going to lie still while you use me, you fucking son of a bitch.” I was shaking so hard, my fingers slipped. He moved quickly, his palm grazing the shaft as it released, knocking it off course.

  “I am not using you, Brenna,” he said, his words slow and deep.

  “I’m not stupid, Thallirin. Van didn’t use me the first night, either. He waited until I was hungry and desperate and had no choice but to agree.” I stepped closer to him, looking him in the eyes. “But rape is rape, Thallirin. You can lie to yourself and say I want it, but I don’t. I won’t. Ever.”

  Chapter Seven

  Mom knocked on my bedroom door again.

  “I’ll talk when I’m ready, and I’m not ready,” I said, struggling to control my emotions.

  I was a hot mess. Panic clawed at me.

  As I sat on my bed, I felt more trapped than ever and hated Drav for his order to stay inside Tolerance’s wall. It didn’t take a genius to know the mandate had nothing to do with me resting. He wanted me to stay here so I’d mingle with the fey lingering. Specifically, Thallirin. And, I didn’t know what to do about any of it. If I t
old Mom what Drav was doing, she’d agree we needed to leave and, without hesitation, would throw away her chance for a possible fresh start with Uan and immunity. I couldn’t do that to her.

  The knock came again.

  “It’s Eden. We need to talk. I’m coming in, so don’t shoot me.”

  The door opened a moment later. Eden slipped in and quickly closed the door behind her.

  “I’m sorry I’m barging in,” she said, looking truly apologetic as she sat beside me on the bed.

  “Let me guess, Thallirin came to your house again because his chosen vagina is being difficult.”

  Eden cringed at that.

  “He did show up, but not because you’re being difficult. He’s freaking out because you told him you were raped and hinted that you think he’s going to do the same thing. That, on top of the pedophile comment, has him an emotional mess.”

  I looked at her.

  “What exactly does Thallirin’s freak out expression look like? Is it this or this?” My serious expression never changed.

  “Definitely the second one,” she said.

  I snorted.

  “I don’t care what he’s feeling. I’m barely holding my shit together. He’s doing everything the same. I’m suffocating. It’s like the weight…” I placed a hand on my chest and just breathed.

  “Talk to me,” she said softly. “I’m probably the only person here who will understand.”

  “How can I feel so broken and so whole at the same time? I should be over it. It wasn’t that bad.”

  Eden’s sniffle was the only warning I got before I was being hugged hard by her.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Her hold and sincerity fractured me. For the first time since the bunker, I let the hurt out. I cried, and it was so bad. I shook and sobbed and snotted all over her. I broke into so many pieces that I knew the old me would never come back.

  I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but piece by piece, I slid back together, and a numbness blanketed my emotions enough that the tears dried so I could talk.

  “Van and his dad wanted women to have babies. When Van’s group saw me out gathering supplies with my family, they shot my Dad and took Zach and me. Mom was left behind because Van thought she’d be useless.

  “That first day, Zach and I were too scared to notice we didn’t eat. The second day, though... We noticed. Van said only those who worked their share got fed. He said he’d give me his food ration if I let him fuck me.”

  I pulled out of Eden’s hold and stared blankly out the window.

  “He said it was my choice. That I could say no. But, they never gave Zach or me a chance to work. There was no choice. It was rape or starvation. That’s when I figured out why Zach had been taken, too. Leverage. I could starve myself, but not him.”

  I exhaled shakily and continued.

  “The fey let us stay here and promised we’d be safe. But the truth is that we’re here because they want females and babies, just like Van and his men. I’ve said no to the fey, repeatedly, and now the noose is tightening. How long before we don’t get fed? How long before I’m on my back again so I don’t have to listen to Zach’s stomach growl in his sleep?”

  Tears made slow trails down my cheeks. I wiped them away, wondering if I was really put back together at all.

  “And you wanted to escape that fate by going to live at Tenacity. Then Thallirin made you feel trapped again by pointing out you’d be breaking up Uan and your mom. Just a new form of leverage, am I right?”

  I nodded then paused.

  “He told you what he said?”

  She gave me a small smile.

  “I overheard him talking to Ghua. He really didn’t understand.” She stood and went to the door. “Now, I think he does.”

  She opened the door, revealing Thallirin. With his head bowed, he gripped the jamb of the door, his grey fingers almost white.

  The sound of his harsh breathing filled the room and stirred my memory of the other time I’d seen a fey look like that. The morning I’d been rescued from the bunker, the fey had helped carry one of their own out. That fey had been attacked by a hellhound and was in so much pain that, even unconscious, he’d made noise. Thallirin was acting the same.

  Slowly, Thallirin straightened. My pulse jumped. He didn’t look at me but turned around and left.

  “If you want to go,” Eden said quietly, “no one will stop you now. I’ll stab anyone who tries.”

  She gave me a weak, sad smile then left.

  The house remained quiet after the door closed behind her, and I just sat there and breathed. I should have been angry that Eden had brought Thallirin to listen in, but it seemed that she’d been right all along. Telling him the truth had finally gotten through to him.

  The light in the room gradually changed, brightening to midday. My stomach growled, but I ignored it. It was the need for water that finally motivated me to move.

  My legs felt weak, and my head hurt when I stood. I shuffled to the bathroom, drank from the sink, and took something for the pain from our meager supply of home medications. Moving in a fashion reminiscent of one of the infected, I made my way to the kitchen.

  Uan held Mom in his lap in the living room. Both watched me closely as I went to the cupboards.

  “How much did you hear, Uan?” I asked without looking at him.

  “All of it.”

  With their hearing, I’d figured as much.

  “I’d kill for a bag of chips right now.” I sighed and closed the cupboard to face them both. “I’m hurt and grieving, but I refuse to be broken. So, don’t treat me like I am.”

  “We won’t,” Mom said. But, I could see the pain and pity in her eyes.

  I sighed again and looked around.

  “I think I’m going to go take a shift on the wall.” I went to the entry and started putting on my layers. When I had everything, I called that I would see them at dinner then left.

  The brisk air felt good on my face. Clean and new, in a way. I breathed in deeply and let it out. The ache inside of me eased a little. I knew it wouldn’t just disappear, though. It never truly did, not since what Van and Oscar had done to me and my family.

  The fey at my usual spot on the wall nodded to me and moved farther down. While it felt good to do something, I wished I wasn’t in Tolerance. I wished I was with Zach, gathering supplies. No, I wished I was shoving my face full of cheesy, powder-coated tortilla chips of some kind. I wouldn’t have even cared what brand at that point. I just wanted to lick my wounds and eat junk food.

  I wasted away several hours on the wall, until the sky started to darken, then waved to the nearest fey and headed down the ladder.

  The yeasty smell of fresh bread and garlic greeted me when I opened the door.

  “Please tell me it’s spaghetti night,” I said, hurrying to strip out of my boots.

  I entered the kitchen, scanning for any sign of garlic bread, and noted Mom stirring something at the stove and Zach at the table with a serious expression on his face.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I asked.

  He shook his head.

  “Mom told me. Sorry your day was shitty. I should have stayed.”

  “The spectator count to my meltdown was high enough. Speaking of spectators, where’s Uan?”

  “I thought we should have dinner alone tonight,” Mom said, wheeling to the table.

  “Why?” I drew out the word. “Don’t tell me he doesn’t like spaghetti, either.”

  “I don’t know. But I do know that we need to talk, as a family, about our future. When I said I wanted to find a fey so I could be immune and you would have someone to look after you both if something happened to me, I hope it went without saying that I would never put that as a priority over either of you.”

  “We know that,” I said, looking at Zach.

  “Then why in the hell didn’t you tell me what was happening?” she asked angrily. “I would have done something about it.”

  I
stayed quiet because we had talked about things as they’d happened. Neither of us had understood how big of a deal it was for me until today, though.

  “I think we should give moving to Tenacity some serious consideration,” Mom said calmly. “I’m not saying that we have to live there forever, but what would it hurt if we tried to stay there for a while? Uan is willing to help us carry over our food and promised to start going out on supply runs with you.”

  She was giving me the out I’d so desperately needed. Yet, as much as I wanted to take it, I knew we couldn’t.

  “Tenacity won’t be any better than here, and we all know it. Despite the new rule that anyone who steals would get kicked out, Matt admitted that he’s worried people with a cache of supplies will be targeted, just like they were here. And if Zach, Uan, and I are out getting supplies, that leaves you home alone.”

  “I’m not helpless,” she said irritably.

  “I’m not suggesting that you are. Me? You? Zach? It wouldn’t matter who was home alone. The same thing would likely happen to all of us. We’re safer here. And better fed.

  “What happened today was a perfect storm. The fey were trying to manipulate me into liking Thallirin, and it backfired in the worst way possible. I’m sure every fey here now knows what happened to me. If I’m lucky, they’ll look at me like damaged goods and leave me alone. If I’m not lucky, they might still try to manipulate me. But, I punched Drav in the throat for breaking my bow, and he didn’t lift a finger against me. And I almost shot Thallirin with an arrow, and he didn’t even bat an eye at it. They’re not going to hurt me. They’ll probably just keep annoying the hell out of me.”

  Mom gave me a long look.

  “You’re not damaged goods,” she said firmly.

  “You and I know that, but they don’t need to,” I said with a small smile.

  “If someone even hints that you need to be with anyone—”

  “You will be the first one to know,” I promised.

  “No. I will,” said Zach. “I’m not leaving your side.”

  “Yes, you are. I refuse to be chained to my little brother forever. This is our life now. Our home. We need to make it work for us, not the other way around.”